As a responsible junk food reviewer, I feel I have an obligation to my enormous readership to remain as objective as possible when tasting the foods I will be writing about. Now, that can be easy when something tastes good, or boring, or I basically have no opinion at all going into it, but when it’s something that I already know I’m not going to like before I even open the package, it gets a little harder.

Such is the case with these limited edition Coconut M&M’s. I do not like coconut. I never have. I can see how others would enjoy the taste, but for some reason, it just doesn’t appeal to me. So, I could go out there and give this candy a terrible review just because I don’t like coconut, or I could try to get into the mindset of someone who does like coconut, and give it a fair shake. As tempting as it is to do the former, mainly because I enjoy talking shit, I suppose I’ll do the responsible thing and attempt the latter.

Coconut M&M’s page on the M&M’s website is sparse but not too hard on the eyes. They describe their product as “Sun, fun, and M&M’s Brand Coconut Chocolate Candies! This limited-edition flavor is sure to be a hit, whether you’re at the beach, or just dreaming of one.”

If I’m at the beach, my primary concern is probably not M&M’s, but I understand their need for a tie-in. Ms. Green M&M looks like she’s having a pretty good time maxing and relaxing on the front of the package, although go-go boots and butler gloves wouldn’t be my first fashion choice for the beach;  but, oh no, what’s going on with Yellow over there in the background! He appears to be in distress, falling out of a Coconut M&M’s tree (now you know how Coconut M&M’s are made – grown on trees) and losing hold of his binoculars, which I’m assuming he was using to check out (read: stalk) Green M&M.

Apparently he is stranded on a desert island, about to incur serious injuries as a result of his fall, and without the proper medical attention he’ll need, he’ll probably die a very painful death soon. But before that happens, I can watch his antics (read: struggle to survive as gangrene sets in) on a live feed! …Except I can’t, because every time I click on the button, I get “page not found”. I guess Yellow is already dead. RIP, Yellow M&M. Your bright color and obsession with Green M&M will be missed.

Yes, please do imagine the power. I wanted the evil eye story to be a baseless lie, but according to Wikipedia, it’s true, and Wikipedia is always right, so I guess I’ll have to leave M&M’s alone on that one. In fact, here’s a totally awesome website that will show you how use a coconut to ward away the evil eye! From what I can see, chocolate would not help this ritual at all. But, I guess you never know.

Coconut M&M’s come in three colors, as shown above. I assume the brown represents the outer coconut shell, the white the flesh inside, and the green for the leaves of the coconut tree. I enjoy that they’ve stuck with the theme. But what’s this?

Out of the 25 M&M’s that came in my bag, 5 of them had special designs on them! Three beach umbrellas and two palm trees on little beaches. I was excited to see the special little images, but a little disappointed in the amount of candies that only had the “m”, and the lack of variety in the pictures was a bit of a letdown. I thought the flower image on the candy represented above might be one of the ones I didn’t get, but looking at the picture from the Coconut M&M’s website, I’m only seeing umbrellas and palm trees, so I guess everybody is representing. Well, hey, it’s better than nothing.

Coconut M&M’s retain the round shape of regular M&M’s, but they’re a little bit fatter, like regular M&M’s with a thyroid disorder. I bit one in half to see if there would be a special white filling, but found only chocolate inside. However, the taste of coconut is definitely present. As I stated before, I’m not a fan of coconut, but even I found these to be not horrible. You mostly taste the familiar M&M’s chocolate flavor when you first start chewing on a piece of the candy, but as the shell melts away and the chocolate breaks down, a nice, subtle wave of coconut washes over your mouth. I really appreciate that the flavor isn’t strong or overwhelming the chocolate; it’s like a delicate note that compliments the chocolate, instead of trying to compete for the spotlight. The audience is your taste buds. Understand?

I really expected and kind of wanted to hate Coconut M&M’s. Stupid coconut, ruining everything from donuts to mixed drinks to suntan lotion. However, the coconut flavor in these candies is an understated, almost elegant addition to the chocolate of regular M&M’s, and while it is obviously artificially created, it still tastes distinctly coconut. Also, despite the fact that I cannot watch Yellow M&M’s ghastly demise live from my computer, I like the beach-y theme that runs throughout, from the packaging to the colors to the special little images on the candies, scarce as they may be. If you like coconut and you like M&M’s, you’re almost certainly going to enjoy Coconut M&M’s. It’s almost certain that I’ll never finish my own package of them, but I can still objectively appreciate them as a fun and unique sweet snack.

UPDATE: Just as I finished writing up this review, I took a closer look at the package of Coconut M&M’s sitting in front of me on my desk and noticed this:

I see a little sun and the aforementioned flower in there! I was gypped! Oh well. At least I got half of the Coconut M&M’s tropical imagery experience.

• Score: 4 out of 5 pours onto the ground for Yellow M&M
• Price: $1.19, $1.00 on sale
• Size: 1.5 oz. bag
• Purchased at: Circle K #2821
• Nutritional Quirks: Probably the least I’ve ever hated coconut.