Limited Edition Doritos Jumpin’ Jack Tortilla Chips

Limited Edition Doritos Jumpin' Jack Tortilla Chips BagComing up with new flavors is haaaard. Just ask Doritos. Over the years, they’ve introduced us to such gems as BBQ pork rib-flavored chips, cheeseburger-flavored chips, and even jalapeño popper-flavored chips.

It may sound like I’m being disparaging, but it’s really quite the contrary. Those popper chips were part of the inspiration for Junk Food Betty, and I always get snaxcited (registered trademark on that word forthcoming) when the people at Doritos snort some flavor powder and come out with a wacky new flavor.

A few years ago, however, someone got back on their medication and came up with the grand idea to introduce a long-retired flavor: Taco Flavor Doritos. They even gave it the retro packaging treatment.

The response was immediate and controversial. That iconic bag! That flavor you remember as a child!

…Or not, on that last one. My Taco Doritos review got more comments than any other review I’ve done. It was a war between the “tastes just like I remember”s and the “tastes nothing like the original”s. It was the Hatfield and McCoy of tortilla chips.

Originally intended as a limited edition flavor, the outcry over Taco Doritos was so deafening that they almost immediately announced that it would be staying on store shelves, and to this very day you can pick up a bag (retro or current design!) and decide for yourself if you want to be nostalgic or outraged.

Realizing they were onto something, Doritos decided to reintroduce two more flavors: Sour Cream & Onion and Salsa Rio. Don’t read the first part of that post; I just realized everything I wrote above about Taco Doritos I also said in that review. I’m a one taco-trick pony.

Like their taco-flavored brother, these flavors also came out in their original retro packaging. Unlike Señor Taco, however, they truly were limited editions. They came, they went, you cried, you complained, or, if you’re me, you were generally indifferent.

If you’ve spent the last year throwing pennies into fountains wishing you had more Sour Cream & Onion Doritos, save that change and use it to buy a bag, because they’re back! Sorry, Salsa Rio fans; Doritos doesn’t think you’re good enough. Commence with the angry letter-writing.

Actually, your angry letters might be worth something, because according to Snack Chat, Frito-Lay’s blatant-marketing-disguised-as-a-blog, it’s you who brought back Sour Cream & Onion, as well as another limited edition flavor that I’ve spent the last 400 words not talking about: Jumpin’ Jack!

“WOOHOO!” I can hear some of you shouting through the Internet. “There was a flavor of Doritos called Jumpin’ Jack?” I can hear others wondering. I fall in with the latter group.

Apparently this flavor was introduced in 1990 and discontinued shortly thereafter. While I was old enough to have tried these back then, I was not quite old enough to know or care that they existed, so I once again invite you to leave a comment letting me know:

a.) how much these remind you of munching on the original chips while wearing a slap bracelet and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or

b.) how you remember eating the original while organizing your pog collection and watching Saved by the Bell, and these throwbacks taste nothing like them.

Both are welcome and appreciated.

According to the totally gnarly bag, these aren’t just Jumpin’ Jack, which is not an actual flavor, but they are pepper jack flavor, which is a whole different ball game. When I think Jack-flavored snack, I think generic cheese blandsville. But when I think pepper jack-flavored, my expectations rise. Now you’ve gotta bring the cheese and the spice, and not just in the generic way that Doritos is so very fond of. I want a sliced cheese tortilla chip party in my mouth, and if Doritos doesn’t deliver it, I’m bouncing them right the fuck out and keeping the bottle of rum they brought. BYOB ends at the front door, mofos. No refunds.

As a side note, I think we can all agree that the “Jumpin’ Jack” font is radical. Do The Bartman.

Limited Edition Doritos Jumpin' Jack Tortilla Chips

I gotta say, the flavor of these chips was not exactly jumpin’. They weren’t at all bad, or shall I say, grody, they were just sort of…generically Dorito-flavored. There was a distinct cheese taste, but I wouldn’t immediately say, “Oh, yeah, they nailed Monterey Jack!” It was milder than, say, Nacho Cheese Doritos, but it was just kind of…”well, yeah, that’s cheese dust”.

Limited Edition Doritos Jumpin' Jack Tortilla Chips Close-Up

Since these are supposed to be pepper jack-flavored, the chips were smattered with little red and black flecks. Saving this from being yet another “cheese and spice” chip, the pepper flavor was very mild.

I actually appreciated this, because it made Jumpin’ Jack Doritos closer to pepper jack cheese, which is only mildly spicy and not snot-inducingly spicy. Heat lovers may object, but I really liked that the heat was mild. It complemented the cheese well.

As I mentioned earlier, I never had the opportunity to try these chips when they first came out, so I have no idea if this throwback is loyal to the original. However, I liked Limited Edition Jumpin’ Jack Doritos. I didn’t love them, but I certainly didn’t hate them. They’re a solid cheesy Dorito offering with a nice, mild heat level. If they do go away, I won’t cry like Jessie Spano on caffeine pills, but if Doritos decides to keep them on store shelves, I may pick up a bag to munch on while I watch my VHS copy of Gremlins 2: The New Batch.

Limited Edition Doritos Jumpin’ Jack Tortilla Chips

  • Score: 3 out of 5 Bell Biv Devoe cassette tapes
  • Price: $1.49
  • Size: 3 3/8 oz. bag
  • Purchased at: Circle K #2821
  • Nutritional Quirks: Monterey Jack cheese is listed as an ingredient, but it’s pretty far down the list. In fact, sour cream places higher than the cheese itself.

Food Junk and The Impulsive Buy also did some Jumpin’ Jacks.

Burger King Cheesy Tots

Burger King Cheesy Tots BoxCheesy Tots! I don’t know why I like those words so much, but I do. Say it out loud and with enthusiasm. CHEESY TOTS! CHEESY TOOOOOTS!

Okay, well that just looks like “Cheesy Toots”, which, while even more fun to say, is getting off-topic. I have the mind of a child.

Cheesy Tots are the third item I’ve had from Burger King’s winter menu, following their Molten Fudge Bites and Avocado and Swiss Burger.

“Tots”, besides being a synonym for “children of an annoying age”, is short for tater tots. Upon further research, I found out that “tater tots” are not as simple as they seem. I’ll let Wikipedia explain: “Tater Tots, a registered trademark of Ore-Ida, are a commercial form of hash browns, a side dish made from deep-fried, grated potatoes. They are widely recognized by their crispness, cylindrical shape and small size.”

Here we learn not only what tater tots are, but also that Ore-Ida is a total dick. Really, you’re going to trademark Tater Tots? Way to hamstring every fast food chain that sells deep-fried potatoes, which is pretty much all of them.

Of course, fast food marketers are clever, which is why Arby’s has “Loaded Potato Bites”, Jack in the Box and Whataburger both went with “Hash Brown Sticks”, and McDonald’s just skirted the issue altogether by going with hash brown patties.

Sonic threw the middle finger at Ore-Ida and just went with “Tots”, a smart move that Burger King has obviously adopted. These ain’t just regular tots, though. These are Cheesy Tots!

Burger King Cheesy Tots

Honestly, I would have been satisfied with just tots. Who doesn’t like a deep-fried grated potato? By adding cheese inside, however, BK upped the ante. Now I have cheesy expectations. I’ve tried Arby’s Loaded Potato Bites, which are supposedly filled with cheese and bacon, and they were a big letdown. Can Burger King rise above?

Yes, yes they can! I was pleasantly surprised by my Cheesy Tots. The outside was nice and crispy, which is a must for tots. Nobody wants a soggy tot.

Burger King Cheesy Tots Inside

There was a nice cheese-to-tater ratio inside, and you could actually taste the cheese, which was my main worry. The potato was just the right texture – not mushy but also not raw-crunchy – and the creaminess of the cheese worked well with it.

As a point of comparison, the overall taste and texture was more like McDonald’s hash browns than Sonic’s Tots, which I liked. I find Sonic’s Tots to be a bit dry and crumbly, and McD’s patties to be crunchier and moister, which is pretty much what BK’s Cheesy Tots were like, with the added bonus of cheese.

This may sound paradoxical, but I liked Cheesy Tots enough to want more from them. My first thought was that adding some jalapeño bits in with the cheese would be perfect. My second thought was that Cheesy Tots were begging for some dipping sauce.

Burger King’s Cheesy Tots deliver what they claim to be: “Crunchy bite-sized snacks perfect at any time of the day – featuring a crispy outside and a warm mixture of potatoes and creamy American cheese on the inside.” They’re not bland or boring, per se – I just want more out of them. I’m like the overbearing parent who frowns at an A- on her kid’s report card.

In other words, I’m a jerk. You’re a good snack, Cheesy Tots. I’m being a little unreasonable.

…Hey, wait a second, here. Take a look at Cheesy Tots’ page on Burger King’s website.

What’s this, now? Cheese Tots? Excuse me? Last I looked, you were Cheesy Tots, through and through. What happened? “Cheesy” Tots was too, well…cheesy for you? Trying to take all the fun out of Cheesy Tots and be all “adult”?

I’m not buyin’ it. I smell a conspiracy. I…have no idea what that conspiracy is, but I smell it. Coincidentally, it smells like grease.

Update: So curious was I about this Cheesy/Cheese thing that I decided to go back to receipt to see what it said…

Burger King Cheesy Tots Receipt

AHA! Proof of the cheesiness! In fact, they were so set on getting that “y” in there that they even sacrificed an S for a Z! I’M WATCHING YOU, BURGER KING. Just like The King used to watch people through their bedroom windows, before they “retired” him.

Also proof that I dug this out of my trash, since you can see the wet coffee grounds on the bottom of the receipt. You gotta get your hands a little dirty when you’re doing real investigative reporting.

Burger King Cheesy Tots

  • Score: 4 out of 5 name-changin’ flim-flammers
  • Price: $2.49
  • Size: Medium (10 Tots)
  • Purchased at: Burger King #17145
  • Nutritional Quirks: Not much unexpected here, but expect a blast of 880 milligrams of sodium for a medium order. May I also suggest adding to that number by having a little sriracha with your Tots?

Brand Eating, GrubGrade and The Impulsive Buy also reviewed these Tots. And they were all Cheesy.

Burger King Avocado and Swiss Burger

Burger King Avocado and Swiss Whopper BoxBurger King has a tradition of rolling out seasonal menus, which I think is a great idea, because it allows them to play around with adding new items without bloating their menu to the point of ridiculousness.

It also means that their seasonal items are only available for a limited time, and if you’re a sucker like me, “limited time” means “I’d better eat this crap before it goes away forever”.

In case you’re not aware of how seasons work, this is the time of year for BK’s winter menu. Among their offerings are the Italian Chicken Sandwich, which is not new but is making a comeback, and some new items, like the Philly Chicken Sandwich and Molten Fudge Bites, which I recently reviewed for The Impulsive Buy.

Today we’ll be looking at the Avocado and Swiss Whopper, which is another new item. BK is a little behind the times in the avocado burger craze – Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s has offered the Guacamole Bacon Burger for years and Wendy’s has had both burger and chicken offerings featuring the guac.

I’m surprised I never reviewed any of these, because I love me some avocados. I think, subconsciously, I figured I’d be prejudiced against them.

Fact of the matter is, I’m kind of a snob when it comes to this fatty fruit. I grew up around the corner from my grandparents, who had a giant, glorious avocado tree in their backyard. They were always so plentiful that I never even glanced at avocados at the grocery store.

When I moved to Arizona, I was disgusted by the avocados I saw at the store. What were these black, wrinkly things? They looked sad and rotten.

I had to educate myself to learn that if you see avocados at the store, you’re probably looking at Hass. My grandparents had a Fuerte tree. If you’ve ever been raised with home-grown produce, you probably understand – anything from the garden is going to taste better than what you can buy at the store, whether it’s all in your mind or it really is true.

So naturally, I will forever look at Hass as being inferior to Fuertes. It’s illogical. However, I’m all about expanding my horizons, so I’m giving the Avocado and Swiss Whopper a fair shake.

 Burger King Avocado and Swiss Whopper

Burger King says, “Our new Avocado and Swiss WHOPPER® Sandwich is ¼ lb* of savory fire-grilled beef, topped with naturally smoked thick-cut bacon, melted Swiss cheese, a creamy avocado spread, freshly cut iceberg lettuce, ripe tomatoes, and a zesty avocado aioli, all on a warm, toasted, sesame seed bun.”

There’s a lot going on, there. One of the first things I noticed is that the aioli (oooo, fancy) and the avocado spread combined to make a very saucy burger. You have to have confidence to eat this burger in public, because things are going to get messy.

I tasted the aioli, a word which would cost someone dearly on Wheel of Fortune, by itself, and it really was zesty, but I couldn’t taste much avocado in it.

Burger King Avocado and Swiss Whopper Halves

However, the zestiness of the sauce paired well with the avocado, which seemed like it couldn’t decide if it wanted to be a spread or a slice. Half my burger had a chunky avocado paste, while the other had a big hunk of the fruit. I actually would have preferred if the whole burger had had avocado slices on it, because you could definitely taste more of it that way.

Burger King Avocado and Swiss Whopper Inside

The Swiss cheese did add some melty and creamy textures, but the flavor was swallowed up by the stronger elements. In fact, the avocado and the bacon were the strongest companions to the burger patty. The bacon was surprisingly crispy for a fast food burger, an attribute I feel is owed to the fact that it was, indeed, thick-cut.

Despite what sounds like a burger with a lot of competing elements, the Avocado and Swiss Whopper works. The zestiness of the aioli, plus the creaminess of the avocado and the cheese, are contrasted by the crunchy and smoky bacon, and the fire-grilled patty tied it all together. I could have done without the tomato and lettuce; they didn’t really add much, but they didn’t get in the way, either.

The Avocado and Swiss Whopper is a solid addition to Burger King’s winter menu. I would have liked to have had some nice, thick slices of avocado instead of a half-mashed spread, and the aioli could have just as easily been called “zesty” instead of “zesty avocado”, but the bacon was smoky and crunchy, which is rather rare for a fast food burger.

After my experience with this Whopper, I may try some of the other guac burgers out there. I’ll always love my Fuertes fresh off the tree, but I’m willing to keep an open mind and an open mouth when it comes to other avocados.

Burger King Avocado and Swiss Burger

  • Score: 4 out of 5 “sometimes Ys”
  • Price: $5.29
  • Size: 1 burger
  • Purchased at: Burger King #17145
  • Nutritional Quirks: Weighing in with 1,510 milligrams of sodium, you’re gonna want to get a drink with that. And some napkins.

The Impulsive Buy also reviewed this burger.