This is probably gonna be a short one, mostly because if you’re an American (or pretty much anywhere else?) you know what a McMuffin tastes like, and also I really just wanted to try this and figured the pictures would be worth it. Given the amount of salty meat on this thing, I’m basically documenting my death.

And yeah, you read that right – I took the egg off after the original picture. Unfaithful to the review? Maybe. But I hate eggs, I’ve never liked eggs, and I’m not going to start eating eggs for you now, especially not in weird McDonald’s form. Listen, I’m getting pretty loosey-goosey with this website, and I’m comfortable with that. Folks, we’re all just trying to get by, here.

Here’s our big, salty boy. Look at him go. Here’s how the McDonald’s website describes the sandwich: “Each one is a tower of two sausage patties, two slices of melty American cheese, egg and crispy bacon, all sandwiched between your choice of a toasted English muffin, sweet and savory griddle cakes or a buttermilk biscuit.”

Oh yeah, you can get it in biscuit or McGriddle form, too. I forgot to tell you that. Again, loosey-goosey. I’ve never tried a McGriddle, but I would imagine it might work well with the Triple Breakfast Stack. Some sweetness to cut through just layer after layer of salt. But I don’t roll that way, baybee.

Fortunately, as you can tell, I did not die eating the Triple Breakfast Stack. In fact, as I chewed, I realized that McD’s had basically done me a favor – every time I’m eating a Sausage McMuffin, I wish I was eating two Sausage McMuffins, but that’s a little too much food for me.

But by basically slapping two of them together, adding some bacon and subtracting some carbs, they made my wish come true. I was able to finish my Triple Stack and even fit in the obligatory hash brown (if you don’t get a hash brown when you order a McDonald’s breakfast you are a monster), although that pushed me over the edge from satisfied to a bit stuffed.

As for the taste? I mean, it’s everything you would expect. I love the double sausage. I think having two slices of cheese was wise, because it kind of lubricates everything, and for some reason I love McDonald’s shitty, shitty cheese, but only in this application.

I thought the bacon would be a throwaway addition, but it added a different texture from the sausage that I found welcome. It’s not particularly crunchy – standard cruddy fast food bacon, here – but it added a bit of difference from the softness of the sausage and a bit of smoky flavor.

It’s tough to grade McDonald’s Triple Breakfast Stack. On the one hand, it’s fantastic! They took all the things I inexplicably love about McDonald’s Sausage McMuffin and turned it into the sandwich I always wanted but never knew I did. Love it! Triple Stacks for days!

On the other hand, it’s just so very…ordinary. McD’s took a page from the Taco Bell playbook and made a new menu item out of all the stuff they already had laying around. It looks pretty XTREME on the surface, but in reality this baby has less calories than two Sausage Egg McMuffins. (780 vs. 960.) It’s got practically half the carbs. It’s got less sodium. It’s objectively healthier than two of those little guys! Hold on while I start my “Triple Breakfast Stack is a health food” campaign.

So yeah, it’s pretty boring. But it’s also a limited time offer, and that makes me sad. It’s my ultimate breakfast sandwich come to life! I guess it’s time to start a change.org campaign along with that health food campaign. I’m gonna be busy!

McDonald’s Triple Breakfast Stack McMuffin (With No Egg)

• Score: 4 out of 5 get that gross-ass weird egg thing out of my McMuffin’s
• Price: $4.29
• Size: 1 sandwich
• Purchased at: McDonald’s
• Nutritional Quirk: Pretty much covered that in the body of the review. Healthier than two Sausage McMuffins. And it’s even cheaper! (A Sausage McMuffin with Egg is $3.32)