When I heard that Lou Dobbs was leaving CNN, it reminded me how puzzled I am about the whole immigration debate. And by “debate”, I mean lot of douchebags like Lou Dobbs yelling ridiculous things and making mountains out of assorted mole hills. Personally, I don’t see the problem. I love Mexico, and Mexican culture.

I visit Mexico every chance I get. It has everything you could possibly want in a Third World country you can visit easily and then thank Christ you don’t live there. It has great music. It has a beautiful language. It has cheap liquor. It has cheap women. It has a very laid-back attitude about public drunkenness and attendant antics. It has an easily bribable (and subsequently cheerful) police force. And above all, it has incredible food, across the entire nation. I’ve never had a bad meal in Mexico.

In my opinion, the best dish to be had in Mexico is the taco. Put what you want in it: carnitas, camaron, al pastor, or my favorite, cabeza, it’s a goddamned delight, and as rich in history as it is in flavor.

Sadly, most Americans (I’m looking at you, too, Canada) have never had a taco. There is an abomination being passed as a taco around American food vendors like a tired whore lying boneless in a fried corn shell.

Maybe that’s a little strong. I’ve been known to enjoy an American-style “taco”, and the owner of this site apparently freaking loves them if they’re dyed black in an inexplicable marketing ploy. But for nervous white guys like me, who furtively prowl the bad parts of town and stutter awkwardly accented Spanish to nonplussed strangers for our fix, it’s just not the real thing.

That was until 2003, and the release of Del Taco’s Taco Del Carbon line of products. It’s about as authentic as you can get without dodging roving bands of angry young cholos or submitting to uncomfortable border searches. I only recently heard that Del Taco also re-released their shredded beef offerings. It’s the best thing to happen to Del Taco since they discontinued carnitas.

The Del Taco Shredded Beef Taco Del Carbon consists of slow-simmered shredded beef, minced onions, chopped cilantro, and a “California” chili sauce, on two warm corn tortillas. I’m not sure what the Hell a “California chili sauce” is supposed to be, but the important thing is what the Taco Del Carbon does not include: namely, carbon, which means “coal” in Spanish. There is a distinct lack of coal, for which I think we can all be grateful. Maybe they’re referring to the sixth element, which I assume is present in the dish in spades.

I’m the kind of guy who measures his self-worth in his ability to find things to complain about. You know the type: pretentious know-it-alls who drone on and on about how American tacos aren’t authentic. That said, I can’t find a single thing to complain about with this taco.

The first thing you’ll notice when biting into this delicious taco is that it’s juicy as all get-out, from the first bite to the last. You have to kind of suck on it as you bite in order not to get meat juice all over yourself.

…go ahead, get it out of your system. Juicy meat and chin drippings. I’ll wait.

The flavors are all there. The onion and cilantro are bold without being overwhelming, letting the beef play its intended central role. The sauce is understated, and comes through as a very subtle enhancement, with the barest hint of heat that’s unnoticeable until the finish. I guess the corn flavor in the tortilla could be a little stronger, but what’s present rounds out the bite nicely. In short, the Del Taco Shredded Beef Taco Del Carbon is probably the best thing I’ve ever eaten from a fast food establishment, short of the carnitas Tacos Del Carbon that were discontinued. If you’ve got a Del Taco within driving distance, you’re doing yourself a tremendous disservice in passing up this opportunity before Del Taco starts up their own take on the McRib cycle.

And if you’re ever in Mexico, Lou Dobbs, I’m the white guy lying on the floor of a filthy Mexican cantina, with cheap women pouring cheap tequila down my throat. Come say hi, we’ll talk.

• Score: 5 out of 5 easily bribed federales
• Price: $1.49
• Size: About 3.5 ounces
• Purchased at: Del Taco #884
• Nutritional Quirks: The lack of coal is a relief.