Hooray, today is Cow Appreciation Day! Or Appresheeation. Whatever. The whole gimmick is retarded. But if you want to dress up like a cow, use terrible grammar, and get…something for free at Chick-fil-A, today is your day. Straight from the stupid cow’s mouth:

“It’s become a holiday for Chick-fil-A fans. Just come to any one of our 1,400+ restaurants today fully dressed like a cow (you know, to prove that you’re no chicken), and we’ll give you a FREE Chick-fil-A meal! And bring the kids, because calves get free meals too!”

Nowhere on their website could I actually find what the definition of a “meal” is. So I encourage you to wear your stupid cow costume down to your nearest Chick-fil-A and demand one of everything on the menu. You deserve it, because you’re dressed like a fucking cow. To get free chicken.

Oh, and I almost forgot: if you’re not creative enough to figure out how to make your own cow costume, Chick-fil-A has generously provided a starter kit for you here. How kind of them.

Get a free original chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A on Labor Day.  Not so fast, though, hoss – there’s a catch.  You must be wearing some item of clothing (or a tattoo?  Face paint?  The promo wasn’t too clear on that) that contains a sports logo.  If you’re a sports fan, this should be no problem.  If you’re a giant nerd, you’ll feel debased and ashamed as you borrow your brother-in-law’s Raiders jersey just so you can get a chicken sandwich.  Either way, it’s free!