June 3rd (that’s tomorrow for those of you who can’t read a calendar) is National Donut Day, and both Krispy Kreme and Dunkin’ Donuts are celebrating by giving away free donuts! At participating locations, you can get a donut, or a doughnut, of any variety; Dunkin’ Donuts is kind of being a jerk about it and making you buy a beverage first, but Krispy Kreme will give it to you completely gratis, after you’ve probably waited in a gigantic line for 45 minutes. Go get your cholesterol on!
- Peppermint Mocha: “Espresso, steamed milk, bitter-sweet chocolate and peppermint flavor mingle beneath a blanket of classic whipped cream and decadent chocolate curls.
- Caramel Brulee Latte: “Combination of espresso, steamed milk and rich caramel sauce tropped with whipped cream and shimmery pieces of caramel.”
- Gingerbread Latte: “The flavor of freshly baked gingerbread combined with fresh ground espresso and steamed milk…with classic whipped cream and a dash of ground nutmeg.”
These appear to be the only official holiday drinks, but at my local Starbucks they were also offering Eggnog Latte, Peppermint White Hot Chocolate and a few other drinks I can’t remember because I have no memory. All these were covered under the BOGO offer. Hit up your Starbucks tomorrow to take advantage of this deal, because tomorrow’s the last day!
Hooray, today is Cow Appreciation Day! Or Appresheeation. Whatever. The whole gimmick is retarded. But if you want to dress up like a cow, use terrible grammar, and get…something for free at Chick-fil-A, today is your day. Straight from the stupid cow’s mouth:
“It’s become a holiday for Chick-fil-A fans. Just come to any one of our 1,400+ restaurants today fully dressed like a cow (you know, to prove that you’re no chicken), and we’ll give you a FREE Chick-fil-A meal! And bring the kids, because calves get free meals too!”
Nowhere on their website could I actually find what the definition of a “meal” is. So I encourage you to wear your stupid cow costume down to your nearest Chick-fil-A and demand one of everything on the menu. You deserve it, because you’re dressed like a fucking cow. To get free chicken.
Oh, and I almost forgot: if you’re not creative enough to figure out how to make your own cow costume, Chick-fil-A has generously provided a starter kit for you here. How kind of them.
Today, Friday, April 16, 2010, you can go to Jack in the box and get a free small fry! It’s Free fry Fryday! GET IT? I knew you would.
Why the random free fry giveaway, besides the obvious opportunity for what I would call a low-level pun? Apparently JitB has gone and modified, they might say “improved”, their fry recipe. I haven’t had JitB fries in quite a while, but I seem to remember them being pretty good, so I’m interested in what “improvements” have been made. Don’t fuck it up, JitB.
You can watch the commercial right on their website. It has a puppy in it! Jack is smart. He knows nobody can resist puppies.
So go get your fry on today. Fryday. And let me know what you think about Jack’s new fries!
From Auntie’s website:
“So eat a little later. No harm in that. Dinners can be reheated. After all, this isn’t just some ordinary, been in the bag for who knows how long pretzel. No. This is fresh. This is warm. This is a taste unto itself.”
Auntie Anne sure does make her pretzels sound delicious. And they are, as anyone who has ever spent more than an hour in a mall knows. So head down to your local Giant Building Full of Stores and Screaming Children and getcha self a free pretzel on Saturday, February 20, 2010 from 10am – 3pm. Note: offer is good only on original or cinnamon sugar flavors. Which is a shame, since the jalapeño pretzel is my favorite. No word on if you get a free dip with your pretzel, but if you do, I recommend the Hot Salsa Cheese. I just can’t resist spicy, completely unnatural cheese dips.
Obviously, Taco Bell read my review of their Black Jack taco, and realized that it was a serious oversight on their part not to associate the black-shelled taco that came out earlier this month with the glorious holiday called Halloween. In a feeble attempt to hide their shame, they have belatedly tried to connect the two by offering a free Black Jack taco on October 31st, 2009, from 6pm until midnight. They even added some spoooooky music to their website and tried to make the ad reflect the spirit of the holiday.
Taco Bell is obviously trying to trick AND treat us, and I am willing to submit to their obvious ploy in order to get my free taco. So on Halloween, get out there, get some candy, and then pull into Taco Bell’s drive-thru so all the employees can laugh at your ridiculous costume while they fill your order. Maybe this should be considered a Junk Food FreeBOO!
No. No, it shouldn’t.
Sunday, September 13, and Monday, September 14, you can head down to your local participating T.G.I. Friday’s and score six free buffalo wings. Apparently, you must be sitting at the bar, but we all know that’s where you’d be anyway, sipping that fabulous green appletini. I guess this is supposed to promote the start of the NFL season with the “Largest Kickoff Party In the U.S.A.” Yeah, baby! Go Raiders!
…Who am I kidding. I hate football and I hate T.G.I. Friday’s. But I do love free food. So, if you’re willing to tolerate throngs of jerkoffs yelling at a flat-screen television in order to score six buffalo wings for free, go for it!
Get a free original chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A on Labor Day. Not so fast, though, hoss – there’s a catch. You must be wearing some item of clothing (or a tattoo? Face paint? The promo wasn’t too clear on that) that contains a sports logo. If you’re a sports fan, this should be no problem. If you’re a giant nerd, you’ll feel debased and ashamed as you borrow your brother-in-law’s Raiders jersey just so you can get a chicken sandwich. Either way, it’s free!
All day tomorrow, you can bring in the coupon pictured below and get yourself not one, but two free tacos, no questions asked! You can print the coupon out from here. I wouldn’t advise printing it straight from this blog, as it’s a little smaller on here than the real one is, and wouldn’t you be sad if they wouldn’t give you any tacos because your coupon was the wrong size. You would be heartbroken. You could try crying, but if the cashiers at Jack in the Box are anything like the cop that pulled me over today, that’s not going to work. So print that coupon and have yourself a free lunch tom0rrow!