KFC Double Down Sandwich

KFC Double Down SandwichWell, it’s finally here.  I’ve been waiting for seven months for this day.  HAPPY DOUBLE DOWN DAY, EVERYBODY!

That’s right, the Double Down is finally here.  Ever since it was announced in test markets in August last year, the Internet has been abuzz with anticipation about when those of us not living in Nebraska or Rhode Island would get to taste this wondrous beast.  On April 1st, KFC announced that the Double Down would be released nationwide today.  A clever marketing move, making the media wonder, is this real, or just a cruel April Fool’s joke?

No joke, my friends.  KFC even created a countdown page on its website.  KFC knows what they’re doing.  If you do a Google search for KFC Double Down Sandwich, you’ll find a plethora of news articles – 223 as of about 11am this morning, in fact.  I even saw my local news channel run a story on it, right as I was taking my pictures of the sandwich.

Why so much media coverage?  With the Double Down comes much controversy.  Some decry it, calling it a culinary monstrosity that will instantly clog your arteries and kill you on the spot.  Others revel in its ridiculousness, seeing it as the goofy, gimmicky thing it is.  It’s like the blogosphere has gone to war over this sandwich.  And that just makes me all the more happy.

There’s even one blog reporting that some lady from some committee is “urging the chain not to advertise the Double Down to children”.  If you go to KFC’s Double Down page, you can watch the commercial.  It’s actually rather bland, and not at all directed towards children.  Won’t somebody please think of the children?!  Obviously, this woman is, but KFC doesn’t really give a damn about them either way.  I love reactionaries.

I, obviously, don’t give a fuck how many calories, sodium, cyanide, whatever are in the Double Down.  I love the Double Down.  It’s the very epitome of the reason I started this website, and as long as it doesn’t taste like shit, I’ll defend its honor, even when I start seeing local lawyer commercials saying, “Have you or someone you know been injured or even killed by the Double Down?  If so, please call us.  We can help you get the money you deserve for your pain and suffering.”  Eating a Double Down is like drinking alcohol – oh sure, it will kill you eventually, but until then, you’re having a blast!

So, controversy aside, let’s start the tale of my journey to get the Double Down.  It started at about 9:30am, when I left to drop my husband off at work.  This had all been carefully planned, as there is a KFC right across the street from where he works.  Unfortunately, KFC doesn’t open until 10am.  Instead of pressing my face against the glass door of the KFC until they opened, I chose to loiter around the Fresh and Easy right next door.  I found it rather amusing, since I was hanging out in a grocery store that sells almost exclusively organic and all-natural products, waiting to go buy what may be the most maligned fast food product in history.

After I felt I had wasted enough time looking at tofu and hummus, I wandered over to the KFC.  I decided to actually go into the restaurant instead of hitting the drive-thru, and I’m glad I did.  I was inundated with posters and giant cut-outs of the Double Down.  It only served to heighten my excitement.

There was a dude in front of me in line, and I couldn’t hide a small, probably creepy-looking smile as he ordered a Double Down.  He was a stocky guy in his mid-20s, wearing a polo shirt and sporting a mild neckbeard.  I thought I’d found a soulmate.

After I placed my order, we were both hanging around the drink dispenser, waiting for our orders.  I’m generally a socially shy person who would rather stick my hand in a fryolator than strike up a conversation with a total stranger, but I felt compelled to say something.
“So, you’re here for the Double Down, eh?”  I said, flashing what I hoped was a friendly but conspiratorial smile.
“Yeah,” he replied.
I should have noticed the dead look in his eyes, the half-open mouth, but I was blinded by chicken.  “Were you just sort of lurking around, waiting for them to open so you could get one, like I was?”  I continued, stupidly.
“No.”  There was no change in his facial expression.  I was talking to a wall.  A neckbearded wall.

I stood in red-faced silence until he got his order and beat a hasty retreat out the door.  In order to mitigate my embarrassment, I concentrated all my attention on how the Double Down was being constructed.

KFC describes the Double Down as “two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel’s Sauce.”  You see, there’s two of everything.  Double!  The sandwich’s motto is, “This product is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun!”  I love it.  So brazen.  Just a big “fuck you” to both bread and people who want to live past 30.

KFC Double Down Sandwich Boxed

My sandwich lived up to KFC’s description, at least in construction.  The masterful artist behind the counter, who looked kind of like Edward James Olmos, pulled two chicken filets out of a drawer, set them down on a metal counter, drizzled one with the Colonel’s Sauce, pulled out one of each of the cheese slices from a chill chest, set them both on the sauced filet, took two pieces of bacon on top of the cheese, and slapped the other filet down on top of it all.  I thought there would be a further cooking process, but he just wrapped it right up and stuck it in a chicken sandwich box.  He didn’t even bother trying to close the box all the way, because it was obvious that that wasn’t going to happen.  The Double Down cannot be contained by any ordinary sandwich box.

Perhaps hoping to make me feel better about my earlier awkward conversation, or just being friendly, as Edward James Olmos put my box in a bag he smiled warmly and said to me, “This will really fill you up, mang.”  Or he could have said “ma’am” instead of “mang”, I’m not really sure.  I’m at an age where it really could have gone either way.

I smiled back and said, “I’m sure it will.  I’ve been waiting for this for a while, that’s why I’m here on the day it came out.”
“Actually, it came out yesterday,” he replied.  “We just haven’t had a lot of people come in yet because they haven’t seen the commercial.”
“Oh really?”  I said, surprised, since every website in the world had told me it came out on the 12th.  I wasn’t going to argue with the man who’d just made my Double Down, though, so I just said, “Well, I’ve been waiting since August, anyway.”
“Dang, mang, you known about it before I did!”  He said, chuckling.
“Oh yeah, it’s been all over the Internet,” I replied.  He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who watched for new fast foods on the Internet.  Edward James Olmos was completely oblivious regarding the controversy surrounding the sandwich he had just made for me.  I found it endearing.

We said our pleasantries and I tried not to run out of the KFC to my car, because that would look weird, and I didn’t want to look weird, especially not after buying a giant chicken sandwich at 10:09am.  I impatiently fumed at the entrance to my apartment complex, waiting for an elderly couple to sloooowly make their way across the sidewalk in front of the entrance.  It was like they’d been placed there by the gods of situational comedy.  I considered just running them over, but figured that might put a kink in my day, so I just waited.  In hindsight, I should have just run them over.  The Double Down waits for no man.  Especially not an old one.

But fuck Internet buzz and neckbeards Edward James Olmos, right?  How does it taste?

KFC Double Down Sandwich Naked

DELICIOUS.

My first couple of bites were mostly just chicken, but the chicken was tender and juicy.  I don’t think I’ve ever shoved that much KFC chicken in my mouth at once.  It felt voluptuous, decadent, overindulgent.  I was transformed into a Cyrenaic.  And I loved it.

Then I hit the cheese and the Colonel’s Sauce all at once, and it was madness. The cheese was melty and creamy, which I was concerned about after seeing the process of making the Double Down.  I figured the whole sandwich would need a little more heat, but apparently they keep the chicken screaming hot, because the cheese was perfect and the sandwich was perfectly hot.  The sauce was zippy, tangy.  Combined with the juicy chicken and the Colonel’s 11 secret herbs and spices, it was so wrong, but so very right.  Screw grapes, I want hot scantily clad chicks hand-feeding me Double Downs all day, as I lounge on my gilded bed with shirtless dudes fanning me with palm fronds.

KFC Double Down Sandwich Open

While I’d like to say the Double Down was perfect, I do have a few quibbles about it.  The bacon was largely swallowed up by the massive chicken filets.  It fell victim to the classic fast food problem: limp bacon that lacks flavor and crispness.  I got a little bit of crunch and a little flavor, but, and I hate to even admit this, I actually wished there was more bacon on the sandwich.  More bacon or better bacon, whichever would make the bacon a little more prominent.

I would have liked a little more Colonel’s Sauce on my Double Down, but I do tend to like my burgers and sandwiches sauced up to a point that most people probably wouldn’t enjoy.  Since I’ve already shamed myself pretty thoroughly in this review, I’ll go ahead and admit that at one point I actually opened the sandwich up, like a delicious book, and  licked the sauce right off the chicken, so I could get a purer sense of what it tasted like.  A woman, in her late 20s, not wearing pants, fending off two cats who REALLY wanted to eat my Double Down, licking sauce off the inside of a sandwich that uses chicken filets for buns.  I do this for you, dear readers.

Colonel’s Sauce tastes like a zippy southwestern sauce.  Probably mayonnaise mixed with something mildly spicy.  A light Google search and KFC’s website itself offer no clues, but I’m comfortable with that.  I like a little mystery in my food.  That’s probably not something a person with all their faculties intact would ever say.

I couldn’t finish my entire sandwich.  I am no match for the Double Down.  Edward James Olmos was right; it will, indeed, fill you up.  Mang.  I felt logy afterward; this is a sandwich made to be eaten when you’ve cleared your plans for the rest of the day.  But my excitement to write about my Double Down experience got me through this review.  And I will give the health nut Double-Down naysayers this: damn son, this bitch be salty.  The medium iced tea I got with it was sucked dry, and I still felt like Lot’s wife.  But that’s okay with me.  I used to eat salt straight out of the shaker.  I can handle a little sodium in my sandwich.  And by a little, I mean 1,380 milligrams of it.

Don’t look at me like that.

So, was it all worth it?  The hype, the waiting, the controversy, the awkward conversation, the food coma, the excessively long, boring review?  Absolutely.  I loved it.  It’s like splurging on a really expensive meal at a fancy, overpriced restaurant – you know you’re being naughty, but you sure do enjoy yourself while you’re doing it.  You’re obviously not going to do it every day, but every once in a while, it’s fun to throw responsibility to the wind and just go wild.

Eating a Double Down probably does qualify as throwing responsibility to the wind, but I loved every minute of it.

Oh, and there’s also a grilled version of the Double Down, but I recommend you at least try the original first.  And if you think the grilled version is healthier, consider this – it actually has 500 more milligrams of sodium than the original version.  Ha!

By the way, this is what my napkin looked like at the end of the meal:

KFC Double Down Sandwich Napkin

  • Score: 4.5 out of 5 neckbeards
  • Price: $4.99
  • Size: 1 sandwich
  • Purchased at: KFC #Y303048
  • Nutritional Quirks: Where to begin?  You know what, you just figure this one out for yourself.

85 thoughts on “KFC Double Down Sandwich”

  1. Christ you people moan that folks care more about animal welfare than humans, and then when animal folks try to care about obese folks eating this crap, they wail “leave us alone” we need to eat this crap to stay happy….

  2. You’re not clarifying your stance by reiterating the insane babble you spewed in the first place, there, kiddo. Also, no one is talking about animal rights here. Fuck animals.

  3. I came back to this comment section after remembering I left a comment a couple days ago. Reading all the comments after mine, I must admit that Bunchick does make quite a few valid points. I feel bad for the ones who think that being overweight is not a problem health wise.
    Severely overweight or even just being overweight is not good for your health and to continue to ignore the serious problems it causes is just ignorance or denial. The map in the link showing the obese rates in each state is very unsettling & disturbing to know that the numbers will go up, not down.

  4. Hank, I don’t think anyone is disputing that obesity causes health problems. Though not overweight myself, I think the majority of opinion in these comments among those that are is that they just don’t care. Being regularly engaged in a broad array of dangerous and self-destructive habits myself, I’m well aware of the risks and the fact that I’m digging myself an early grave. I just don’t care, and will have only myself to blame when the I suffer those consequences. Bunchick’s frothing tirades mostly seem to revolve around the idea that eating a Double Down sandwich is a one-way ticket to Third World genocide, will cause you to gain 300 pounds, hypertension, and diabetes in one fell swoop, and that fat people are unattractive. The first two points are clearly ludicrous, and the third is debatable, and has been throughout history.

    Now as far as the map is concerned, I’m not certain there’s much that can be accomplished in a blog about junk food with regard to solving those issues. Consequently, that makes the comments section of Junk Food Betty a highly inappropriate forum to engage in dialogue about the subject. Write to your congressman about educational programs and more stringent packaged food manufacturing legislation. I’d suggest an awareness website, but I think you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who actually isn’t aware of the risks over the age of, say, 15.

    All that being said, I just keep responding to Bunchick as a sort of core sample of her free time and obsessive nature. I want to see how much effort she’ll put into getting the last word. In short, I’m just poking the stick into the cage. Oh, and she still hasn’t told me what non-American utopia she’s from, and I’m intrigued.

    Finally, I appreciate your reasonable approach on your newer comment. Good job!

  5. Bob, You obviously didn’t read my 1st post of saying I’m a vegetarian and I was in the same look down mode at the obese needing electric carts to haul their fat asses over to the fast food aisles. I would say I’m more incline to agree with Bunchicks points than yours. She is so dead on about the people moaning about how we care more about the animals welfare than the humans welfare and then when we do show concern or even disbelief in the god awful foods coming out & folks eating more bad food than ever that if we merely mention of how its really bad for you, health wise and calorie wise, the folks come out in how dare you rages. How can one be concerned about human health issues when the humans tell us to fuck ourselves for caring?

  6. Awwww…do I hear jealously in the last 2 emails…
    Thanks guys, I really did find a great pal to
    email with…THANKS!!!
    Hank was so right….this blog is for total losers comparing notes on the decaying compost they so proudly eat.
    (And if you say we’re the losers and good ridence…
    I’ll bet you $50 bucks that this comment section now
    dies a S-L-O-W death….just like the fast food crap losers!)

  7. Spectacular review. I, too, had been eagerly anticipating this glorious sandwich since hearing the legends of it appearing in faraway lands. When they started selling the Boneless Filets, I had considered attempting to make my own, but decided to hold out for the real thing.

    Then late on a Saturday evening, as I passed the KFC, I saw it: a sign reading that the Double Down sandwich was really, truly here! Alas, I was unable to stop at the time, but made a quick trip to the internet once I was home to confirm I hadn’t dreamed the whole thing. I was dismayed to see that it wasn’t supposed to be available for two more days, but resolved to go by for lunch the next day to be certain.

    I was not disappointed. Despite all claims that it would not be available until Monday, they did, indeed, have them the day before. I suspect from the “Are you serious?” reaction of the cashier that I was the first to order it there and experience the sheer joy it brings.

    My experience was much like yours in eating it, though I did get mine without Colonel’s Sauce. I realize this leaves me missing a key element of the experience, but I’m not a big fan of condiments, and didn’t want to risk a dislike of that turning me off of the experience as a whole. For me, it was a good choice.

    An interesting side effect was that about half an hour after eating it, I had an intense craving to drive directly to the grocery store and tear open a pack of dinner rolls. I suspect my body was confused by the meat buns and lack of any bread. I had another a couple of weeks later, though, and no such reaction that time.

    Thanks to The Impulsive Buy for linking me here, and I look forward to reading more!

  8. Thanks for relating your experience here, fishbulb42, and thanks for the compliment! Glad you enjoyed the review and the Double Down.

  9. Nice to know there’s people out there who understand. My friends just roll their eyes when I talk about it.

  10. I thoroughly enjoyed your in-depth analysis of this gastronomical blowjob as much as I enjoy the sammich itself. I can actually HEAR my arteries hardening as I eat it, which has not prevented me from inhaling nearly a dozen since its inception. And I agree: more or better bacon, either way or both. Impressed as I am with this degree of culinary journalism, I believe I will be perusing your comments about various deliciousnesses on a regular basis. Cheers lady!

  11. As entertaining as this review was, I still don’t think I can ever bring myself to eat the double down. It’s not that I hate fast food or meat or whatever that harpy up there was bitching about, it’s just that I can’t imagine enjoying a sandwich without the bread. That said, thanks for the review. I can live vicariously through you and almost imagine I have eaten the DD myself.

  12. Hey Sheesh, you could always get the DD, separate out its parts, nestle ’em between slices of nice grainy bread/bun/English muffin together with some veggies, and voilà! “There’s your goddamn dinner!” as Nick Nolte said to Eddie Murphy. Even two, since one-half of ye DD is certainly filling enough by itself. And spacing the thing out would cut down on the dietary/health impact – I might just try it myself next time. Requires less napkins too!

  13. While I heartily endorse eating the DD in its pure form, I have to say that Redbone has an excellent point. Separating the two halves and shoving them between some bread product would easily make two tasty meals. Heck, just get a side order of KFC biscuits and you’re set. I also like Redbone’s idea of getting a little ranch to go along with it. That would lubricate the biscuit nicely and compliment the flavors.

  14. Hey Kelley, glad you liked that there Serving Suggestion I came up with, but while I like their biscuits fine – I’m just more partial to grainy breads – I’m thinking one’s a little puny to be handling half a DD inside it – but then again, chopping ’em in half would make 4 good biscuits! I was going to try it out on Friday, me and my auntie planning our grocery shopping to end just when the nearest Colonel’s Chicken Coop opened, but unfortunately we stumbled onto a scene of senseless tragedy at ye olde Walmart on such a beautiful morning that I completely forgot about it. So that’s tomorrow’s lunch plan instead – & having picked up a surprisingly effective $1.75 bottle of Mr. Sam’s salsa ranch dressing at the store, this time that chicken will have some real bite to it!

  15. To bunchick:

    I suppose Im lucky that I am part asian and have high metabolism and only weight 117 pounds at 28 yeras, but sometimes you gotta have a little fun. that includes eating stuff you shouldnt. I always order water or unsweetened tea at restaurants. I like to eat deli sclied sandwiches and seaweed snacks and other stuff that isnt artery clogging madness. thats fine sometimes. but other times, you just want to eat something AWESOME. I havent tried this yet, but this review put me over the edge. I am about to head out and get one of these and make my day more awesome. Ill do it to spite you and to spite any self-important person who thinks their diet has to be followed by everyone. I mean, it wont literally kill you to just try this thing. It doesnt hurt you to indulge now and then so long as you dont OVERDO IT. Anything in moderation is not going to hurt you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *