Recently, I was driving past a local McDonald’s and I spotted this sign:
Bob and I buzzed with speculation all the way home. What would be on this new Spicy McDouble? Pepper jack cheese seemed an obvious choice. Jalapeños, maybe? Perhaps a special mayo-based sauce with some zing? Nah, that’s probably too much effort for a $1 value menu burger.
I got home and slid onto the Internet, eager to see what it had to say about this new offering. I’ve been burned by fast food’s so-called “spicy” offerings (such as Burger King’s Angry Whopper), but there are some guys out there capable of delivering some heat (such as Carl’s Jr.’s Jalapeño Burger). I’m always willing to give it a shot.
…Unfortunately, my search was fruitless. There was absolutely no buzz about the Spicy McDouble on the Interwaves. What gives? I was starting to get suspicious. I decided to write McDonald’s an email, but in the middle of writing it, I found the phone number of the location in question. Great, I could go right to the source.
I was expecting much confusion when I called the restaurant. A bored-sounding girl answered the phone, and I explained what I had seen on the sign and inquired as to what this new menu item entailed. She told me to hold on, and I assumed she had no idea what I was talking about and was going to pass me off to someone else. Instead, she was taking an order. When she got back, she said, “Actually, it’s because they look close together but it’s actually the Hot ‘n Spicy chicken and the McDouble.”
Aha! While that sentence doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, it’s what my growing suspicion had been all along. The Hot ‘n Spicy chicken sandwich and the McDouble are both on McDonald’s Dollar Menu. Or are they? I can find no mention of the Hot ‘n Spicy on the McDonald’s official website, but if you search for it on Google, you’ll find plenty of other websites that mention it by name and even offer detailed nutritional information. Again I ask, what gives, McDonald’s? Why are you trying so hard to hide the Hot ‘n Spicy? And who in their right mind would just put “$1 spicy” on a sign? That doesn’t even mean anything! Spicy what, for heaven’s sakes?!
One solved mystery and one new mystery later, I have my answer. I have to say, I’m a little disappointed. I was looking forward to trying the Spicy McDouble. My only consolation is the idea that, every day, dozens of people flood into that McDonald’s, angrily demanding the Spicy McDouble that was advertised on the sign. Their hunger and their need for spice fills them with rage, until they are a single entity, a raving mob of lunatics shouting profanities and threatening to sue for false advertising. Flustered employees back away and mutter impotently, unable to logically explain the separation of spicy and McDouble to the masses. Chaos reigns throughout.
Obviously, Taco Bell read my 
The Black Jack taco is ridiculous. I first heard about it the day before it came out, when Taco Bell started spamming the hell out of my Twitter feed, desperately trying to get me to try it. Well, you’ve won this round, Taco Bell, despite your terrible marketing slogan. “Black is the new black”? Seriously? That’s the best you could come up with? I haven’t seen the commercials yet, but I sure hope they come up with something that doesn’t sound like an Access Hollywood segment teaser.
Sunday, September 13, and Monday, September 14, you can head down to your local participating T.G.I. Friday’s and score 
