I’ve been burned before, if you’ll excuse the pun, by fast food chains’ claims of spiciness and heat in new menu items they introduce. Burger King’s Angry Whopper and Taco Bell’s Volcano Menu come specifically to mind, with their commercials of people sweating and steam coming out of their ears and, well, volcanoes, and yet, the heat just isn’t there. So you can understand my wariness when I learned of KFC’s new Fiery Grilled Wings. I decided to try them anyways, though, since I already like their grilled chicken, so at the very least I’d be eating grilled chicken wings, and I can think of a lot worse things to be eating.

For those of you who only eat organic produce and don’t have a television, KFC introduced their grilled chicken in April of 2009, making a big to-do with their “UNFry Day”, launching their UNTHINK ad campaign and touting the new product as a healthier option than their traditional fried chicken products. I didn’t have this website back then, but I did try their grilled chicken, and found it to be delicious. In fact, in the handful of times I’ve been to KFC since they launched their grilled chicken, I haven’t once gone the way of the fried.

KFC went with “fiery” instead of “spicy” for their new grilled wings, which, of course, opens the door to a whole wave of ridiculousness in their commercials.

Caution: KFC Fiery Grilled Wings are to beat eaten outside, and only by a trained professional.

I guess here you are the tiger, and you are jumping through hoops to get to KFC’s new Fiery Grilled Wings.

The wings have similarities and differences to both traditional buffalo wings and to their un-fiery big brothers. Instead of getting your fingers covered in buffalo sauce, you will get them covered in grease. They have a crispy skin like KFC’s other grilled chicken, but the pieces I got seem to lack the somewhat disturbingly fake-looking grill marks that the bigger chicken pieces have. Most of the reason I love KFC’s grilled chicken so much is that, first of all, it seems to be juicier than their fried chicken, and second, it has a great spice blend on the skin that reminds me of their Rotisserie Gold chicken that disappeared in the mid-1990’s, much to my anger and despair. Even in high school, I was already writing angry letters in my head to fast food chains.  With these wings, they’re about as juicy as any other chicken wing you’ll find, and the grilled chicken spices seem to be masked by the “fiery” spice.

The spice, I have to say, does not disappoint. It tastes nothing like the heat of buffalo sauce, instead delivering a straight-up capsaicin heat that comes from the little pepper bits on the surface of the wing. After a couple of wings, my lips were actually burning, but the heat didn’t hit my mouth enough to necessitate a glass of milk or perhaps a dip of ranch dressing, a traditional accoutrement to buffalo wings that did not accompany my Fiery Grilled Wings. They were fiery, but not so aggressive as to put off the average American’s pussy-whipped taste buds.

With a crispy skin and a bit of bite, KFC’s Fiery Grilled Wings are a tasty alternative to traditional buffalo wings. I, however, will probably never purchase them again. I have a beef (again, pardon the pun) with chicken wings. I used to enjoy them, until one day, one of my pretentious foodie friends got on his soapbox about them, declaring them bullshit on the grounds that they are basically the worst part of the chicken, and positing a conspiracy amongst chicken producers to spin chicken parts with very little meat into a very profitable party snack.

I usually ignore his ranting, but it made me think, and after a while, I decided that I agreed with him. Chicken wings are difficult to eat, yielding very little meat, which you really have to work for as you navigate around a heavy concentration of bones, tendons, and other icky bits. So, while I like the kick of Fiery Grilled Wings, I’d rather stick with KFC’s grilled chicken drumsticks, thighs, breasts, and the like. KFC’s Fiery Grilled Wings come in a sad biscuit box of five pieces (at least, that’s what my order came in), or considerably cooler-looking buckets of 20 or 30 pieces. If you’re the type who likes to sit down with some friends and some wings to watch a football game, there’s nothing wrong with giving these a try. Don’t let my opinion on chicken wings in general stop you. I’ll just secretly judge you as an uneducated goon who likes sub-par chicken and watching grown men in spandex pile on top of each other. I’m just saying.

• Score: 3.5 out of 5 fire-breathing tigers
• Price: $3.99
• Size: 5 wings
• Purchased at: KFC #Y303048
• Nutritional Quirks: Contains beef powder, dehydrated carrot, and, most tastily, calcium silicate.

The Impulsive Buy has also written a review of KFC Fiery Chicken Wings.  Check out his opinion, too!